【Journey 01】Until cancer diagnosis – a year of sickness and examinations at the clinic

Hello, I’m Chico.

I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer on February 14, 2019.

At the time of diagnosis, I was told that surgery was not possible so I would be on anti-cancer drugs for the rest of my life, and that the only remaining treatment was life-prolonging treatment.

But after that, it became possible to have surgery, and after undergoing postoperative adjuvant chemotherapy, the cancer treatment was completed on August 8, 2020!

Nurses gave me happy words such as “you are a miracle patient” and “it would be a star of hope”.

Ever since I got pancreatic cancer, I have experienced so many things that I have never experienced in my life.

In “My Cancer Journey Series ” including this article, I will look back on the days from “Cancer announcement in February 2019” to “Recovery in 2022”.

If you are new to our site, please check out the following article too.

Pancreatic cancer announcement that felt like someone else’s problem

「This is pancreatic cancer.」

On February 14, 2019, the doctor said this at the department of gastroenterology at a university hospital.

From that point on, my life took a big turn.

Called into the doctor’s office hours earlier than usual

In January 2019, I was diagnosed with “suspected autoimmune pancreatitis” at a nearby clinic and visited a university hospital.

I have already visited several times and completed examinations such as a gastroscope and CT, and this time I visited to hear the results.

It’s usually so crowded there that we have to wait hours.

So I expected to wait a long time on that day too – got my computer perfectly prepared to work during the long waiting time.

When I was checking an email from a business partner

A nurse called my name.

I exactly remember unintentionally looking at the clock twice at that time.

Because it had only been 40 to 50 minutes since I had checked in for my consultation.

Just immediately after entering the room with my skip,

I felt a kind of heavy atmosphere enveloping me.

The doctor told me it was pancreatic cancer in a bland tone

A gastroenterologist with a gentle atmosphere.

After staring at the CT image and swallowing words for a moment, he started talking without looking at me.

The doctor just calmly explained that I had pancreatic cancer and what was happening in my body.

What is pancreatic cancer?

Where is the pancreas located in our body, and how does it work?

I have to wake up from this nightmare.

…..

Subjective symptoms and my gut feelings that I have had for a year ago

By the way, I hear pancreatic cancer hardly causes subjective symptoms, but what is the reality?

Frequent nausea and vomiting over the past year

In my case, I think there were signs from my body about a year ago.

My journal in March 2018 – about a year before I was diagnosed with cancer – says that I had pain in the area above my solar plexus.

In the same month, on the night of the annual cherry blossom viewing BBQ, I experienced severe abdominal pain and vomiting too.

As my diary says, throughout 2018, I often felt stomach upsets such as nausea and vomiting. And I remember feeling strangely disturbed each time.

In fact, I visited internal medicine clinics many times throughout this year complaining of my illness and condition.

Even so, at the time no one expected that I would have such a severe illness.

Why?

One reason was that doctors thought it was common to have an upset stomach. – Since I was a kid, I have had a weak stomach, and I often visited physicians for food poisoning or stomach colds.

Another reason was that the blood test I took just in case was fine and I looked healthy.

My gut feeling told me that I needed to take some tests now

Then, how did we find out I had pancreatic cancer?

This is because the increase in poor physical condition in 2018 and the turmoil of the heart that I have never felt, my anxiety about these things is getting bigger.

At first, I thought that I was worrying too much about the diagnosis of “food poisoning” and “cold” at the clinic.

But around the beginning of 2019, I began to think “I can’t take it anymore, something is wrong.”

Something is wrong.

I thought because

• suddenly I got a craving for tea my mother used to make for me when I was sick when I was a child

• when I was sleeping at night, I heard electronic sounds (ringing in the ears?) near the top of my head.

• my late mother appeared in a dream I rarely see…

I don’t have any particular inspiration, I’m not even devoted to spirituality,

But, only this time, I couldn’t help but think that something was wrong.

I trusted my intuition and begged for tests at a nearby clinic

However, all the nearby internal medicine clinics I’ve visited so far have ended with “no big deal”.

I wanted to go to a university hospital that seemed to be able to do the test, but I couldn’t get it without a referral letter.

I was at a loss, but when I continued to look for a hospital, I finally found a clinic that offers ultrasound and endoscopy.

So, I immediately made an appointment to have medical examinations.

At the clinic, I told them that I had been feeling ill since 2018, that I had been told by all the clinics that I had a “just cold,” “just food poisoning,” or “just wait and see,” and that I had not been able to get a detailed examination.

Then, I continued to say

The clock suddenly sped up

Throughout the entire year of 2018, I visited several nearby clinics for my health problems, but they all diagnosed me with “nothing serious”.

So here I am, finally able to have an examination that is a step in the right direction.

I am very grateful to the doctor at the clinic who performed the ultrasound.

This examination was the beginning of my journey to the cancer notification I mentioned in the first chapter.

The hands of the clock seemed to start turning faster and faster.

I will continue the story in the following article.

Lessons learned during this period – Shogyo Mujo

The cancer diagnosis reminded me of the phrase “Shogyo Mujo” which means all things are impermanent.

Yes, that opening part of “The Heike Story” that we learn in junior high school Japanese.

The sound of the Gion Shoja temple bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sala flowers reveals the truth that to flourish is to fall. The proud do not endure, like a passing dream on a night in spring; the mighty fall at last, to be no more than dust before the wind

祗園精舎の鐘の声、諸行無常の響きあり
娑羅双樹の花の色、盛者必衰の理をあらはす
おごれる人も久しからず、唯春の夜の夢のごとし
たけき者も遂にはほろびぬ、偏に風の前の塵に同じ

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Everything in the world is constantly changing – impermanence.

世のすべてのものは、移り変わり、また生まれては消滅する運命を繰り返し、永遠に変わらないものはないということ

出典：goo辞書『諸行無常』

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My life has never been smooth, but when I was healthy, I had the illusion that my health would last forever.

And then I got sick. Once again, I was able to take a deep look at this “impermanence”.

Conclusion

This time, I talked about the process until I was diagnosed with cancer.

I was worried about the subjective symptoms I had for a year, so I finally begged for an examination at a nearby clinic.

The result I was waiting for…

I will continue to talk about it in the article below.